Drabble  Jealous  And so it continued
by classyblue
Summary: This is a continuation of the 500 word drabble I did with the word 'jealous'. More to follow soon.
1. Chapter 1

Drabble – Jealous –And so it continued.

It would seem that I'm supposed to continue with my drabble for the word 'jealous'. I kept writing more of this little story in my head long after my 500 words ended. Hope you enjoy it. I have no idea how long it will end up.

Hephaestion saw Alexander walking towards him and moaned quietly. Alexander's face held an expression that told Hephaestion that this was not going to be an easy conversation. If he could have made a mad dash to the door and escape, he would, but it was too late for that now.

Alexander sat down quietly beside his top general and said nothing for a while. He seemed to be having trouble organizing his words before he spoke. When he did finally speak, there was more than a little fear in his voice.

"Joy to you Hephaestion."

"And to you Alexander."

Another deafening pause ensued.

"Did you need me to do something for you?" Asked Hephaestion.

Alexander shook his head and cleared his throat. What he wanted to say was on the tip of his tongue but he didn't seem to be able to form the words.

"Um…Hephaestion…are you the one who is thinking of leaving?" Alexander asked quietly.

"Just forget I said anything, don't worry about it anymore."

Alexander frowned as he watched Hephaestion look down to the floor again.

"I don't think I can. Of all the people that might consider leaving me, you are the last one I would expect to hear it from."

"I didn't say I was leaving you."

"But you were thinking of resigning?"

"Alexander, are you sure you really want to talk about this? I have decided nothing and have no plans to leave."

"Then why did you bring it up earlier?"

Hephaestion shook his head and pursed his lips together. "I had a weak moment, I'm sorry if I upset you."

Hephaestion leaned back and looked towards Alexander's couch across the room. "You are missed, there are people who would like to speak to you."

"They can wait."

"There is really nothing for us to talk about and those people are important, besides, I'm not going anywhere. If you want to talk sometime later we can."

Hephaestion gave Alexander a weak smile and pushed him to his feet and towards his couch.

"We will talk sooner than later, that I promise you, Hephaestion."

Hephaestion nodded and watched Alexander walk back across the room. This might be a very long next couple of days.

Alexander's POV

There is so much he is not saying. He is keeping it all inside again. I have got to find out what is bothering him and get to the bottom of this. This army cannot go on without him, at least not as efficiently as it is now.

More importantly, I don't know if I could go on without him. I depend on him for so much. Does he even know how important he is to this army?

Hephaestion's POV

By the gods, why did I say that earlier? Now he is watching me like a hawk and worrying about what I said. Even if I am considering leaving, I should never have let him know it.

Why is it that he doesn't seem to notice me any more most of the time but picked up on that right away? I wonder if he has really ever thought he would miss me if I were gone? Certainly not as much as if I had left a few years ago, but now with each passing year, I would think it would be easier to imagine for him. So many names and faces have replaced me in his life.

He keeps looking at me as he speaks to others, I can feel his glances towards me. I need some fresh air; this room is closing in on me.

Alexander watched as Hephaestion left the room. The voices talking to him became a jumble of words and sounds. He turned his attention back to them and quickly made short order out of the conversation. He left his couch and made his way to the exit Hephaestion had used.

Alexander had never felt his heart feel as heavy as it did now. He spotted Hephaestion up ahead of him. He was leaning on a balcony looking across the gardens. The sight of him took Alexander's breath away.

Hephaestion heard Alexander approach and sighed. He turned towards him and smiled, hoping that would make things better but the look on Alexander's face told him differently.

"Hephaestion?" Alexander said in an almost pleading voice. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"About what? You can't drop a little gem like you did and not expect me to be concerned."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"Am I giving you too much to do? Are you overworked? Of course you are overworked, why am I even asking that?"

Hephaestion smiled as he listened to Alexander have the little conversation with himself. "I do get a little overwhelmed at times but I can handle my jobs."

"Then what?"

"It has nothing to do with my work." Said Hephaestion, trying to find the words to continue. "It has more to do with us. I miss us Alexander."

"Us?"

Hephaestion took a deep breath and then began. "I know that you still love me. I know that you still need me. But I wonder how much you really want me anymore."

Alexander had the most confused look on his face and Hephaestion continued after sighing.

"I have never doubted your love for me. We gave that to each other a long time ago and that has never wavered for me and I think for you too."

Alexander nodded and smiled putting his hand over his own heart.

"I also know you need me to help organize this glorious army you have made. I know I have helped you get as far as you have with my planning and helping."

"Definitely."

Hephaestion took more time before he starting speaking again. Alexander could tell that this was hard for him.

"Relationships change, people change. It is very rare for two people to change at the same time and at the same level."

"What are you trying to say?"

"This isn't easy for me so bare with me." Said Hephaestion.

He cleared his throat before he continued. "You have started drifting away from me.."

Alexander started to speak but Hephaestion made him be quiet and asked him to just listen.

"You wanted to know what was bothering me and you have to let me talk."

It took every amount of control Alexander could think of but he kept quiet and let Hephaestion talk. He moved closer to Hephaestion and put a finger on his sleeve to keep him close.

"As others came into your life you seem to want me less and less. It is only natural that this should happen, I should have expected it. Others have taken the place of me in your bed and certain places in your heart as well. I say again, I do know you still love me but I cannot be the only one for you anymore. I am slower at getting to this point than you did. I have a harder time letting go of what we had but that is my problem, not yours. I used to be jealous of the attention they were getting but anymore I have come to except it. It obviously is making you happy and that is really all I even wanted for you in the end. If I can't give you what you need anymore then I am glad you found others who could."

These last words seemed to drain Hephaestion and he looked very weary and tired.

Alexander tried to digest what he had just heard. "You don't think I need you anymore? Hephaestion, I can't live without you."

"Living without me and needing me are two different things, Alexander."

"I don't understand, please tell me what you mean."

"You need me to help you follow your dreams, to organize your army, build your bridges and to be the shoulder you need to lean on. You need those things but you don't need me one to one anymore. I'm not the person you seek when you want relief from a long day or pleasure on a warm night."

Hephaestion shook his head but didn't look at Alexander. "I miss the times we always thought of each other first when something good or bad happened. I miss laughing with you over something silly. I miss the way it feels to touch your hand as we walk. I mostly miss the friend I had back not so many years ago. He went on without me."

By this time both men had tears in their eyes and Alexander automatically reached up and pulled Hephaestion into his embrace. They stood silently for a while trying to get control of their emotions again.

Hephaestion pulled back and smiled at Alexander. "As I told you before, the problem is mine, not yours, and I will be fine. I promise you right here and now, I will not leave the army or you, now or ever. That is until I die." He said laughing.

Alexander didn't look convinced. His mind was swimming with all the things Hephaestion had said. And as he looked at the gloriously handsome face in front of him, he couldn't help but wonder how it had gotten to this point, how they had gotten to this point.

More importantly, what do I do now?

From classyblue,

Okay, more to come, I hate people who leave cliffhangers like this.


	2. Chapter 2

Drabble – Jealous – And so it continued. II

The night had been endless. Alexander's mind was plagued with the conversation he had had with Hephaestion and the words he had heard.

He doesn't think I need him anymore. Alexander could not wrap his head around those words. Doesn't he know this army can't go on without him? By the gods, it would take several people to do the jobs he does by himself alone now. How can he seriously think that I don't need him?

Alexander sat in bed rubbing his forehead when a thought crossed his mind. Hephaestion hadn't said that I didn't need him anymore; he had said that I didn't want him anymore. Only now did those words begin to sink into his tired and weary brain.

Alexander's mind went back over the conversation they had had the previous night.

Phrases like 'replaced me with others', 'began to let others in your heart', sought others for your needs' banged around in his head.

And then the words Hephaestion had spoken finally came to a crushing halt in Alexander mind and in his heart.

"He doesn't think I want him anymore." Alexander said aloud. "He knows I love him and need him but I have pushed him away from me."

Suddenly all the pain he had seen in Hephaestion's face over the past few years, silent pain, came flooding over him. How many times had he smiled at Hephaestion as he left the room with someone else? When did he quit seeing the pain behind the beautiful blues eyes he loved so much when he touched another body? When did he quit feeling guilty when he thought of Hephaestion alone in his own bed while Alexander had another body in bed with him?

Alexander sank to the bed as all the things that had happened, things he had let happen, came flooding into his mind. His heart was beating loudly in his chest and his throat was tight. Wave after wave of guilt and remorse filled him and he involuntarily sobbed.

Bagaos heard the sob and came to his King. Alexander pushed him away without even looking at him.

Several emotions confronted him at the same time; guilt, pain, remorse but mostly fear. All the things that Hephaestion had been dealing with over the years came crashing in on Alexander in a few short minutes. He knew now how it felt to see the one you pledged your love to for eternity turn to someone else for the things you wanted and needed. He felt the pain of jealousy and betrayal. He finally knew the hell Hephaestion was living.

And the fear of losing Hephaestion because of his selfish blindness threatened to consume him. He sat up quickly and tried to calm himself. He had to get control of this or he was never going to be able to set things right again.

He jumped out of the bed and threw on a robe intending to go to Hephaestion straight away but something stopped him dead in his tracks.

If he went to him now in the middle of the night and begged his forgiveness, would Hephaestion believe him? Or would he just accept what Alexander said and wait for it to happen again.

Alexander sat on the couch at the end of his bed and sighed. As much as he wanted to wrap Hephaestion in his arms and beg his forgiveness, smother his with kisses and make love to him, Alexander finally realized that it wouldn't solve the problem.

And so he spent the rest of the night working out a solution, not just a temporary one, one that would last a lifetime and into eternity.

Hephaestion finally got out of bed after a not so successful night's sleep. He had tossed and turned for hours but stayed in bed hopping he would finally get a little sleep. It hadn't worked and he rose, threw on a robe and sat behind his desk. He looked out the window and watched the sun begin to rise. Looking back to his desk, he saw the stacks of scrolls and maps that needed work. Thinking he could bury himself in his work, he picked up his quill and ink and began.

He had been working for about an hour when he heard a soft knock at his door. He told them to enter without looking up from the supply report he was working on. The sound of footsteps and a tray being placed on a top near his desk made him look up.

Alexander stood behind the table holding the tray. It was filled with fresh fruits, sweet breads and juices. The aromas filled the room and smelled delicious.

"Joy to you, Hephaestion."

Hephaestion couldn't help but smile a weak smile at Alexander whose face was grinning from ear to ear.

"Did you sleep well?"

"Not really." Answered Hephaestion honestly.

"Me neither."

"I'm sorry, are you ill?"

"No, Hephaestion, I'm not, the problem for my sleeplessness was my fault alone but I am working on changing that."

Hephaestion's handsome face looked confused but he said no more.

"What are your plans for today?"

Hephaestion looked from Alexander to the piles in front of him and back again.

"I was wondering if you would like to spend some time with me today instead? I know for sure that you won't get into trouble if all of that is not taken care of today."

"Do you?"

"Aye, the King is a royal pain in the arse but I can explain things to him so you won't get into trouble."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this Alexander?"

Alexander came around the table and sat in the chair in front of Hephaestion's' desk.

"I have just spent the worst night of my life and I never want to have another like that again. I finally see what you have been going through, Hephaestion. What a fool I have been. I also know that this can't be fixed in an hour, a day or even a week. I…we need to work this out a step at a time, little by little. I know I can't give you back all that wasted precious time I wasn't there for you like I should have, but I can promise you that I will not let it continue to be so.

I keep telling you that the army, my army, cannot survive without you. I tell you that I love you with words but my actions clearly convey something entirely different. That is going to change. Don't get me wrong, the army does still need you very much, and my love for you has never wavered. But you need to realize, I need to show you that I still want you more than you will ever know and I intend to show you that everyday for the rest of our lives."

Hephaestion had sat motionless listening to Alexander's words. He had watched his hands when he spoke softly, heard the sound of his voice, but especially looked into his eyes. They had held a truth in them that Hephaestion hadn't seen for a long time, one he hadn't seen since their carefree days of youth so many years ago.

Alexander rose from his chair, extended his arm across the table and smiled, "Hephaestion, my name is Alexander and I would like to know if you would like to be my friend. I'm a pain in the arse sometimes, I have a temper and I need someone to keep me in line and be completely honest with me. I can offer you my mind, heart, body and soul and know that I would die for you. Would you be my friend?"

Tears pooled in the corners of Hephaestion's eyes as he stood and took the hand extended in front to him. "I would be honored to call you my friend, my Alexander."

And so it started, they stood for a long time just looking at each other, tears rolling down both their cheeks. And then they smiled, innocent smiles of so long ago exchanged once again.

They took it slow, moved closer with time until they came to a new place they both wanted to be.

And eventually they sealed it all with the promises of love, the exchanging of gifts and the giving of their souls to one another yet again.

There were others in their lives, each of them, but neither of them ever found a friendship that came close to what they worked so hard to give each other.

Till the end…

There you have it, what do you think? All reviews are welcome even the bad ones.


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